I love to sing. Singing connects me to God, allows me to pretend that I will be a backup singer for Tina Turner someday, and is a never-ending source of joy.
In fifth grade, my teacher, Mrs. Pfau, told me: "do yourself a favor and never sing aloud."
It stung. It silenced me. For years, I never sang where others could hear me (although NO ONE could stop my in-car solos!) Whenever I was tempted to sing in front of others, the voices of self-doubt sang loudly in my heart. But with the coaxing of my roommate in college, I finally started singing again.
I have been singing ever since. In no way am I implying that I am a good singer, but I sure enjoy it. I have sung on a TON of worship teams, sung at weddings and funerals, done plenty of solos, and relish the times that my husband and I sing together.
Last week, my husband, our daughter, and I auditioned for the worship team at the church we have been attending. It is SO vulnerable to audition for strangers, especially because I can still hear the words of Mrs. Pfau in my ears...
"Do yourself a favor and never sing aloud."
We finally heard from the worship pastor yesterday. My husband and daughter were chosen, but I was not. Ouch. I tried to pretend that it was not a blow to my pride. I am truly happy for them, but truly wounded for me. I have actually shed tears over it. HOW EMBARRASSING!
"Do yourself a favor and never sing aloud."
The question is: am I going to let the rejection silence me? Will I be able to sing aloud again and not think of my disappointment and shame?
Time will tell...
Amberly
1 comment:
I'm so sorry to hear you didn't make it!! You have a beautiful voice! (And I don't say that just because I'm your friend. Promise.) Don't let this disappointment stop you from using your gift. I could be wrong, but...Down the road, I don't think your biggest regret would be that you tried out and didn't make it. It stings, yes. There's no question about that, and it's okay to shed some tears. But, I think that your biggest regret would be that you let the experience silence you. (I told you my tambourine story - but I never told you my singing story...That's a whole other can of worms that I don't typically dive into. But, that being said, I as a car singer only...I speak from personal experience!)
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