I am starting to panic.  I am two and a half weeks away from my first half marathon and I am freaking out. 

I have friends who process stressful things by devising a list of the "worst things that could happen" or "What Ifs" .  So, here it goes:
1) I could not finish in the allotted time.
2) I could fail to finish at all.
3) I could wet myself in the process (in Hollywood, no less).
4) I could look foolish.
5) I could get lost.
6) I could break something (my leg, my foot, my pride, etc)
7) I could have a heart attack.
8) I could chicken out completely
9) I could oversleep and miss it.
10) I could be the biggest person in the race and (see #4).

At the gym yesterday, I was enjoying (sick, I know) an aerobics class.  It involves a step, free weights, and 80's music.  I love it.  My ponytail and I were having a grand time until I looked around in the mirror and realized that I was the largest person in the class.  By far.

There have been times when I feel especially rotund that I look around to see if anyone else has my same struggle.   It makes me feel better to know that someone "understands me" and frankly, may struggle more than I.  It placates me until the pangs of insecurity dissapate.

Why do we compare ourselves to others?

Courtney Cox, star of Friends and other TV shows, once said, "I'm at peace with myself and where I am. In the past, I was always looking to see how everybody else was doing. I wasn't competitive, I was comparative. I just wanted to be where everybody else was. Now I've gotten to an age when I am not comparing anymore."
Easy for her to say; SHE IS SKINNY!  :)

But the truth of the matter is, if she has really embraced this idea of freedom from comparison, she has a lot less "what ifs" with which to contend!

If we are going to experience Joy to Go, we must first shed the notion that spirituality or success is based upon comparing ourselves to others; that is what the Pharisses and other religious leaders in Jesus' time did - and He had VERY harsh things to say to them.

I need to be making less "What If?" lists and more "What Now?" lists.  What do you have for me now, Lord?  What do you want me to be doing now?  What kind thing can I do for my co-worker now?  What would you have me say to my student now, Lord?  What can I do to show Your love to my family now, Lord?  What do you want me to see about myself now?

I may not succeed in this half marathon, but if I keep my eyes on Jesus, "the author and perfecter of my faith", I will surely win a prize.  If I stop comparing myself to others and instead, ask to see them through God's eyes, I will already have won!

"What if" you do the same?
Amberly